Where the heck have I been?!

I feel like since I started with my Voice class approximately 8 weeks ago, I have been in a complete haze!  Well, perhaps not a complete encompassing haze, but I've definitely gotten very introspective and was feeling like I wasn't quite able to share what I've been learning.  Mostly, because I've tried and well, I couldn't quite put it into words that made any sense.  I've learned some very valuable things about myself.  Things that are definitely getting in my way as an actor and though it hasn't been easy work, I look forward to continuing on with it...I have to if I'm ever going to get out of my own damn way! I will share the main thing that I have learned though...that is what this blog is about after all!

I have learned that I have become quite a closed person. Let me explain.  You know those every day exchanges in our lives...ordering coffee, holding the door open for someone, etc?  When is the last time you've actually taken the time to take that other person in? To actually have a real exchange with someone? Why bother you ask? Well, doing this...to try and actually have real exchange with people, even in seemingly mundane moments...is part of my Voice class practice.  And, I have learned that I rarely, if ever, do this!  I have become so conditioned to float through life that I am out of practice when it comes to connecting with people. 

I can be very sensitive to other peoples "stuff." And sometimes, its too hard to really take somebody else in because you also take in some of their "stuff" inviting in the ability to feel the pain that other people sometimes feel and that's hard.  Of course, you also open yourslf to the possibility of feeling other people's joy, but the point is that you become open and vulnerable. Scary, right?  But, great assets to have as an actor!  In fact, downright essential to an actor!  And, so this has become my main focus...trying to find moments to really engage in every day encounters.  I'm not talking about trying to get to know someone's life story in the time it takes to order a tall vanilla latte from them, but just to actually make eye contact, to not just go through the motions but to actually listen to the other person! In trying to do this, it has felt like I have been taking the time to pause and savour...I'm not just rushing through my day, I'm living it...even the seemingly meaningless moments.  And, actually, I have been having some pretty neat encounters.  Nothing life altering...but real moments shared between two people on this earth can only ever be a good thing, whether the exchange is joyful or not.

My last voice class was last week and I begin my acting class again this week for 6 weeks. I have decided to alternate sessions between the two classes as one totally informs the other and I'm really excited about that.

What has been hard to learn is that I am sooo out of practice that I really do need this training all over again before I feel like I will be ready to call myself an actor again.  I know it's not all lost of course, but at least with this new medium (for me) of acting for the camera, there is a lot for me to learn and I'm a little late in the game, but hey, I'm in it...or at least, I'm holding my hand out into the ring, hoping someone will tag me in soon!  Anybody??