A Bump In The Road

Yesterday was a challenging day...not in any way traumatic, but just one of those acting classes that forces you to look at and deal with some unavoidable truths! Truths that tend to surface now and again to challenge my choice to pursue an acting career. Truths that left to roam on their own can plant doubt, and which, when dealt with incorrectly, or perhaps not dealt with at all, has led to previous incidents of feeling discouraged.

I feel like it’s my first road bump since the "rekindling" began and I think its hitting me harder than usual because the ride has been really good so far! However, it is making me realize that these are the types of things I let stand in my way. I am an actor who will always be developing my skill and unless challenged to do better, dig deeper...I never will! I know this...so why did class sting yesterday? I feel like I made mistakes when I knew better. But my acting teacher wisely told me not to be afraid to fail in class...he doesn't need me to prove to him that I'm a good actor...he'll give me that! But in order to go further and to go deeper...I MUST LET GO! I cannot be afraid to be wrong! I am trying to embrace this as I feel this plagues me in many other areas of my life as well! I don't do something because I'm afraid to fail or for a ton of other different reasons and so I don't do anything and I am no further along!

I was watching the Olympics last night (we're addicted) and I was watching the men's freeskate long program and if you don't mind the cheesy comparison...when they fall, they don't have time to mull it over and pout (definitely what I was doing last night) they have to literally get back up and find some way to go on and put forth the best performance of their lives with the time they have left! I soo wish I could be more like that...get over the sulking and the doubt and just charge ahead! Patrick Chan (our good Canadian boy) still got a wicked score after falling and that's because regardless of the fall his program was beautiful! As I write this I am actually getting a little teary eyed because I am so aware of how this has gotten in the way of a lot of things in my life...and I want to move on and get past this barrier already! I will fall many times. I have fallen many times and I have the bruises to prove it but I know that the performance of my life is still to come and I need to be ready for it! I will be ready for it!

I sometimes just feel so impatient for the life that I want to live, which to me is in part, greatly defined by my success as an actor because it has been the only thing in my life that I have ever known for sure. This has led to frustration in the past because some misguided sense of entitlement creeps in to my head. But, I only have myself to blame, without being too harsh... I haven't done all that I can do. I am trying now. I must learn patience. I must be grateful for the things in my life that are exactly what I want them to be...and there are many! And, I must trust that my time will come...and when it does, I will be ready and open for whatever that looks like!

What do you do to overcome barriers in your life that prevent you from moving ahead? I could use all the help I can get...