My New Headshots

I'm really pleased with these new headshots, taken by the very kind and generous Ian Brown.  The first week I gave them to my agent, I got two auditions and it has been fairly consistent since then.  So, here's hoping it's a sign of things to come! 

What do you think?

And so it begins...

I had two auditions last week. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to one of them becuase it was in Cambridge, over an hours drive by car, but the fact is in one week, I had two auditions and my agent just started to use my new headshots last week. Very promising.  Now, I just have to deliver when I get to the auditions...that's on me. But, so far the shots seem to be doing their job and for that I am quite relieved.

The audition I was able to get to was for a commercial that would be shooting in Buenos Aires...how cool is that?! The callbacks are next week and I haven't heard back yet, so I don't think I booked it, but all the same, it feels great to be out there auditioning again! 

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I am not exactly looking forward to having to be "audition ready" all the time as it is normal to only get one days notice for an audition. There's a weird sort of pressure that comes with feeling like you have to look good and be "on" on certain days. Also, since I've only been to the gym twice since my vacation, I am a wee bit nervous. But, at the same time, I know myself...it takes me a long time to get back into a routine but once I do I stick to it because I've gotten back into it in my own time.

Well, please do wish me luck folks as I head back into the world of a professional auditioner!  Here's hoping I book a few jobs while I'm at it! Alright, a lot of jobs...just putting it out there!

I look forward to sharing my new headshots soon, so stay posted.  I'd love to hear what you think.

Have a great week!

Rest & Relaxation

Just in time to help me gear up for what I'm hoping will be a very busy time (what with all the auditioning I'm going to be doing AND booking jobs of course! Huh, how do you like that positive thinking!) I was able to go on vacation  to Jamaica for some good R&R!  Sure we weathered a Tropical Storm while we were there, but nothing a little Red Stripe and my new favourite cocktail...Creme de Cocoa and milk on ice ...couldn't help us cope with! 
Here are some pics I thought I'd share with you:

An awakening

Really good things are happening. In fact, things I have planned on making happen, are happening and it feels great!  It feels like the balance between the life I've lead and the life I am working towards is finally slowly beginning to shift in my favour.  I feel an awakening in the parts of me that feel joy, hope, excitement and passion!  They are beginning to stir and feel hopeful again!

I'd taken the summer to focus on some things I felt were necessary to help me to be more successful in the long run, i.e. continuing with my training, getting into shape, etc. (thus, explaining my absence on the blog...nothing really noteworthy to blog about). Then, I had planned on working towards getting new headshots at the end of the summer and sending them out to agents along with a new demo reel.  A lot of work had to be done.  Well, quite to my surprise, a promising lead that I mentioned to you a while back, has come through and I am now with agent! 

I have also just got my new headshots done by the wonderful Ian Brown and I can't wait to share them with you.  I am really quite pleased and hope my agent is too!

I feel like all my work in the past 10 months has paid off and has lead me to this moment.  I set goals for myself and I find myself reaching them and it feels quite satisfying.  I have found an agent & agency who believe in me, who know what they are doing and want to work to help my career.  I have the utmost trust in them and this relationship.  I feel like things are now possible.  I am starting a new chapter in my life; one that is similar to a few I've ventured through before, but this time it feels different; I feel different. I feel ready and confident; willing and able. I know what I want and I plan to rise to the challenge.  I feel like I've been given another chance and I am so greatful. Makes me feel like I'm not just imagining that this is what I'm meant to do; it is what I'm meant to do...yay!

As I write this, I feel joyous and I hope to be able to share the journey with you now that things may actually start happening... the ever exciting journey of wading through auditions...ahhh, ain't life grand! Thanks so much for all your support so far! 

A Sound Idea or Procrastination?

Here is what my mind has been doing to me lately...what you're about to read are the inner thoughts of yours truly...

"You know, before you tackle really trying to get an agent, you really should lose those last 10lbs and drop those last 2 dress sizes.  That way you are a way more marketable product.  Plus, that will give me more time to really work on my acting in front of the camera. And besides, I have so much more work to do in my voice class. So, yeah, okay, I will give it 2 more months...no 3...and then I will be in much better shape.  Okay, but to get in better shape, you really have to focus on that...stop snacking so often...I really gotta hit that cardio harder! Should I just start having salads for dinner? Go to bed earlier for goodness sake! Okay, so get into better shape...work on my acting stuff...then get headshots in my new better, badder self and then ...the agents will be more likely to wanna see me.  If they don't think I'm too old by then.  Am I just going to make this harder on me by waiting even longer? I'm already older than a lot of the other women out there auditioning. But, hey, isn't it better to take my time and do this properly? Better to take the time to prepare myself for what I want to come then to stick my neck out too soon and fall flat on my face...yeah, 2 or 3 more months of real, driven, focus! And then...go time!"

So, I ask you...sound, rational idea? Or just another form of procrastination?  Now, you might think I'm being sarcastic...like the answer is obvious.  And though, I believe, I know where most of you will fall on this, I am honestly asking. This is where I am at right now and it does seem to make some sense to me.  What do you think?

My Practice Challenge Update

As some of you may recall, I issued myself a challenge in March and about 2 weeks later I updated you on that challenge which at that point was going along nicely. Well, during the course of the challenge which ended the day before my last voice class a few weeks ago, I found I stuck to practicing during the week but then it seemed to fall apart on the weekends...mostly because I would almost completely forget about it until it was time for sleep...whether I liked it or not.  In all honesty, though I intended to improve on this, I was okay with it because it was all still so new!

Well, regretfully, now that I am no longer in my voice class, my voice practices have kinda fallen to the wayside. And, by kinda, I mean they have.  I definitely still do them on the one day a week I have my acting class, cause, well, it would be kinda silly to not do it on that day at least.  However, I am not impressed that the reason I've stopped practising as often is that just as in weekends past, I have completely forgotten about it until too late...if at all!  I have forgiven myself for this, determined to just start up again as of today. My fear, however, is that I will just forget again and eventaully stop completely. 

I am trying to come up with a way to help me remember.  Something to inspire me to do it every day. So far, I've come up with the idea of creating a pretty sign that says...Practice!...huh? clever, right? What do you guys do to help keep you inspired to do that daily task you have to do, in a way that doesn't make you feel bad but instead inspires you to remember the benefits of the reason you are doing the task in the first place?

I would love to hear your thoughts?

Where the heck have I been?!

I feel like since I started with my Voice class approximately 8 weeks ago, I have been in a complete haze!  Well, perhaps not a complete encompassing haze, but I've definitely gotten very introspective and was feeling like I wasn't quite able to share what I've been learning.  Mostly, because I've tried and well, I couldn't quite put it into words that made any sense.  I've learned some very valuable things about myself.  Things that are definitely getting in my way as an actor and though it hasn't been easy work, I look forward to continuing on with it...I have to if I'm ever going to get out of my own damn way! I will share the main thing that I have learned though...that is what this blog is about after all!

I have learned that I have become quite a closed person. Let me explain.  You know those every day exchanges in our lives...ordering coffee, holding the door open for someone, etc?  When is the last time you've actually taken the time to take that other person in? To actually have a real exchange with someone? Why bother you ask? Well, doing this...to try and actually have real exchange with people, even in seemingly mundane moments...is part of my Voice class practice.  And, I have learned that I rarely, if ever, do this!  I have become so conditioned to float through life that I am out of practice when it comes to connecting with people. 

I can be very sensitive to other peoples "stuff." And sometimes, its too hard to really take somebody else in because you also take in some of their "stuff" inviting in the ability to feel the pain that other people sometimes feel and that's hard.  Of course, you also open yourslf to the possibility of feeling other people's joy, but the point is that you become open and vulnerable. Scary, right?  But, great assets to have as an actor!  In fact, downright essential to an actor!  And, so this has become my main focus...trying to find moments to really engage in every day encounters.  I'm not talking about trying to get to know someone's life story in the time it takes to order a tall vanilla latte from them, but just to actually make eye contact, to not just go through the motions but to actually listen to the other person! In trying to do this, it has felt like I have been taking the time to pause and savour...I'm not just rushing through my day, I'm living it...even the seemingly meaningless moments.  And, actually, I have been having some pretty neat encounters.  Nothing life altering...but real moments shared between two people on this earth can only ever be a good thing, whether the exchange is joyful or not.

My last voice class was last week and I begin my acting class again this week for 6 weeks. I have decided to alternate sessions between the two classes as one totally informs the other and I'm really excited about that.

What has been hard to learn is that I am sooo out of practice that I really do need this training all over again before I feel like I will be ready to call myself an actor again.  I know it's not all lost of course, but at least with this new medium (for me) of acting for the camera, there is a lot for me to learn and I'm a little late in the game, but hey, I'm in it...or at least, I'm holding my hand out into the ring, hoping someone will tag me in soon!  Anybody??

Some Validation

Some fun news...I auditioned for a student film a few weeks ago and I got the part!  Which is exciting because I felt really good about the audition in that I felt like I applied the new technique I've been learning in class and at the audition I felt like I took my time and I didn't rush through it. So, it feels really good to have gotten cast when the audition felt good.

Especially, because I really want to get as much practice time in front of a camera as possible. Amazing how a little machine in front of your face can change your comfort level!  I definitely need to get more comfortable in front of a camera!  So, look for me at a Humber film class near you! 

And The People's Choice Is...

Stripes 2!  Second runner up was the Chair Pose, which makes me feel good for using it up until now...so thanks peeps for that validaton!  Coming soon...my "serious" pics!  Thanks again for all of your input!

Headshots

I am in need of some new headshots but I am wanting to wait until I get a new agent to help guide me in the right direction. Also, I'm getting my arse kicked in the gym in preparation, so I want to be as bootylicious as possible, as well!  In the meantime, however, I feel like I need to pick new headshots other than the ones I've been using, and for this challenge I thought I would illicit your help.  

Below, I've posted 3 photos to pick from for my "commercial" headshot, aka, smiley faces.  Then in a few days, I will show you 3 different photos to pick from for my "legit" headshot, aka, serious face.  The first photo is the one I've been using, followed by two others.  A good headshot is one that actually looks like me in real life, on one of my good days of course, and is not just a pretty pic! Also, ideally, it should capture the essence of the real me...is that too heavy?? And, hey, if you think you know what the essence of the real me is, please do fill me in...figuring this out seems to be the journey I'm on right now so I could use any tips!

As I've said, I know I need new headshots as I don't believe any of these truly do the job, but for now one of these will have to do.

So, what do you think? Which of my "smiley" pics below, do you think works best?

Chair Pose

Stripes 1

Stripes 2 

An update

For anyone keeping track, my practice challenge is going really well so far. I have yet to miss a day and I'm pretty psyched about that.  I can be horrible about being disciplined at times, but when my voice teacher looked at me last week and said, you know, deal with it...you're a grown up now (not said harshly at all, just honestly and she knew it was what I needed to hear), I knew I was ready to rise to the challenge.  I knew that I had to.

I did come pretty close to missing a practice this past Saturday because it was my birthday and the day was full and a little scattered and because I did not plan ahead to fit my practice in, the day went by and I came close to really thinking I wouldn't fit it in.  I kept thinking, well, it's my birthday...people will understand. But, when it came right down to it...I knew I wouldn't be okay with having missed a day. I came home way too full from a fantastic dinner here and just a wee bit tipsy but I still took the time just before midnight to get a quick practice in...so my streak is not ruined and my challenge is still on!  It seems like such a silly success, but there you have it!

Also, further to my post a while back about networking, I am still without an agent. Though the contact I made was great in trying to link me to an agent, it did not pan out like I had hoped and so the hunt continues.  I am going to have to take networking to a different level and pursue contacts in a more proactive way.   So, if you get an email from me shortly to discuss how you can help, consider yourself warned!  Wish me luck, this is definitely where I find myself out of my comfort zone.

As always, thanks for your continued support!  My boss today threatened that I'd be a lifer, so I'm feeling especially queasy about that prospect and hopefully that turns into an added dose of determination shortly!!  Your encouragement always helps!!

My Practice Challenge!

I remember reading "The Right To Speak; Working With the Voice" written by Patsy Rodenburg as assigned in my Voice & Speech class while studying at AADA. The thing I found most interesting in this text and what stays with me still today was learning that every time we experience an emotion, a feeling of any kind...if we don't deal with it, our body stores it somewhere inside of us.  And, on any given day, a trigger can come along and tap into that emotion or feeling and we can feel it anew as fresh as the day we experienced it even if years have passed! As actors these unresolved feelings can get in your way...of being present, of playing a character that requires us to tap into these emotions.  Because if they are hidden away and we don't know that they're there, than we can only play our idea of what that emotion or feeling is and well, who wants to hire an actor to do that! 

As actors, we are hired to live through that emotion or feeling on stage or screen so that the audience, for the short time they watch us, can feel something real and tap into something true about themselves that they normally hide and tuck away.  That is my definition of what it is to watch a great performance...did I learn something about myself by watching?  It is that truth I struggle to attain in my own peformances. 

I recently started taking a Voice Class (for actors; not the same as for singers or anything). A way of connecting you to your breath and therefore, to these untapped emotions and feelings.  All I have to say is holy crap!  I mean, I know what to expect from these classes, I've taken them before..."stuff" just comes up; its supposed to! But, we as people find it to hard to walk around every day "feeling" every moment so we find clever ways to avoid it...until, bam we're faced with it again. Well, my voice class forces me to face it, travel through it, speak it and then move on being able to name it and then, the goal...to control it! 

I don't know if this makes any sense at all so far, but after today's class (only my 2nd of 6 so far) I feel so alive, so aware, open & vulnerable, but in the best of ways. During today's class, I felt anger for letting so many excuses get in my way of wanting an acting career because I know more than ever that I don't want t do anything else and even if I spend my whole life striving for one, I think that might be better than pretending to be okay with anything else...that is how I feel today.  After class, I feel renewed in my will to strive, continuously for my place!

I have some growing up to do, however.  I have to committ to practicing every day and not give into the lames excuses as to why I can't. So, do me a favour. If you see me, and you feel so inclined...ask me. Have you practiced today? I'm afraid to write it down here, but my goal is to practice every day for even 10 min a day for the next 34 days (beginning tomorrow, March 16 and going until April 18, the day before my last class). Help keep me accountable...if you dare!  Don't be afraid...leave that up to me ;)

Thank you my friends. For, I already feel this is possible with your support! And, though I don't know what to expect, I know that the benefits of this steady practice will be exponential!  And, I thank you in advance for helping it to happen! 

Behaving Like Champions

As mentioned previously, I was totally obsessed with the Winter Olympics and was so impressed with Canada's performance at the games. Especially by the fact that we set a record for the most golds ever won at the Winter Games!  I mean, who would have thought we had it in us? 

Well, John Furlong, CEO of Vancouver's Olympic Organizing Committee said it best in his speech at the Closing Ceremonies when he addressed Alexandre Bilodeau, our first Gold medal winner at these games, by saying that his "first Gold Medal gave us all permission to feel like and behave like Champions."  This totally struck a cord for me in my own personal journey.  When I studied acting in New York, my teacher very quickly picked up on how me being Canadian led to me being too "nice" when acting, which essentially gets in your way as an actor if you're not willing to fight for what you want in a scene (I apologize for the actor jargon that might not make much sense)!  Though I feel like I have made huge progress in this regard, recently my acting teacher gave me this exact same note and told me to write at the top of all of my scripts "Franca is allowed to win!" Okay, I get it!

So, I guess I am elated at the message of these games...that we are allowed to behave like champions because we are quite capable of being champions!  I will take this sentiment to heart and I hope you all do too!  As noted in this article believing in yourself doesn't diminish your niceness! We can have it all Canada!  And, seeing that I'm pretty much in the market for close to it "all" I need to start behaving like a champion, yo!  

Diet Woes

In the last few years, I feel like I have begun to strike a true balance between eating well and exercise and I have seen good results.  Sure, I cheat, but I do so knowingly and by choice...again, its been a balance.

Well, recently, I let myself get sucked in by yet another "diet." I didn't call it that...I knew better than that! I would have failed miserably!  This way, I think I lasted a whole two weeks...so there!  In this time, I learned a few very valuable things:

1. I like carbs.
2. I like treats.
3. I am miserable when I diet.
4. I rebel when miserable.
5. I should not diet!

To be clear. I am an advocate of a healthy balanced lifestyle, but as soon as you start to deprive yourself of the things that make life just a little more joyful (that's right...food = joy...I can't help it I'm Italian!) than what's the point?  I let myself get pressured because I hope to be meeting with agents soon and getting back out there on auditions and I wanted to look my best! And, while that is still my goal, it just might take me a little longer to get there, b/c hey, I like my ice cream with chocolate chips after dinner...and I'm okay with that!

It really is funny how affected my mood was when I felt deprived. And, we're not talking major changes...no carbs with dinner and no snacking!  I couldn't do it! And, I realized I never want to ever try to again!  So, that's my beef! mmm...beef!  ...and chocolate... not together, but you know where I'm going with this. ;) 

Oh, full time job...

...why do you test me so?

A Bump In The Road

Yesterday was a challenging day...not in any way traumatic, but just one of those acting classes that forces you to look at and deal with some unavoidable truths! Truths that tend to surface now and again to challenge my choice to pursue an acting career. Truths that left to roam on their own can plant doubt, and which, when dealt with incorrectly, or perhaps not dealt with at all, has led to previous incidents of feeling discouraged.

I feel like it’s my first road bump since the "rekindling" began and I think its hitting me harder than usual because the ride has been really good so far! However, it is making me realize that these are the types of things I let stand in my way. I am an actor who will always be developing my skill and unless challenged to do better, dig deeper...I never will! I know this...so why did class sting yesterday? I feel like I made mistakes when I knew better. But my acting teacher wisely told me not to be afraid to fail in class...he doesn't need me to prove to him that I'm a good actor...he'll give me that! But in order to go further and to go deeper...I MUST LET GO! I cannot be afraid to be wrong! I am trying to embrace this as I feel this plagues me in many other areas of my life as well! I don't do something because I'm afraid to fail or for a ton of other different reasons and so I don't do anything and I am no further along!

I was watching the Olympics last night (we're addicted) and I was watching the men's freeskate long program and if you don't mind the cheesy comparison...when they fall, they don't have time to mull it over and pout (definitely what I was doing last night) they have to literally get back up and find some way to go on and put forth the best performance of their lives with the time they have left! I soo wish I could be more like that...get over the sulking and the doubt and just charge ahead! Patrick Chan (our good Canadian boy) still got a wicked score after falling and that's because regardless of the fall his program was beautiful! As I write this I am actually getting a little teary eyed because I am so aware of how this has gotten in the way of a lot of things in my life...and I want to move on and get past this barrier already! I will fall many times. I have fallen many times and I have the bruises to prove it but I know that the performance of my life is still to come and I need to be ready for it! I will be ready for it!

I sometimes just feel so impatient for the life that I want to live, which to me is in part, greatly defined by my success as an actor because it has been the only thing in my life that I have ever known for sure. This has led to frustration in the past because some misguided sense of entitlement creeps in to my head. But, I only have myself to blame, without being too harsh... I haven't done all that I can do. I am trying now. I must learn patience. I must be grateful for the things in my life that are exactly what I want them to be...and there are many! And, I must trust that my time will come...and when it does, I will be ready and open for whatever that looks like!

What do you do to overcome barriers in your life that prevent you from moving ahead? I could use all the help I can get...

What a difference a day makes...

Which is the way I put it to my cousin when I told her about my very eventful day.  At first, I didn't want to share my news with too many people because if things didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted them to I'd have to share that part too with more people than I would probably want to. This is the same reason I rarely share when I have an audition.  However, I then remembered why I began this blog in the first place.  To remain accountable as well as to share my journey! So, you have to be supportive...ok?!

So, before I share my fun news, I feel it is important to explain that I am a horrible networker. And, if you're in this industry, you know that it is crucial. However, I could never get away from the idea that I felt like I'd be bothering people; pestering them to help when they were working hard on getting their own stuff together! Also, "networking" is a horrible name. It sounds way to much like a chore...an obligation (ahh, obligations...stay tuned for a future blog about this).  "Building relationships" isn't a great term either but it is a little better.  Regardless, whatever the term, I suck at it! So, one of my goals is to put myself out there so that I find myself more often in the position to meet like-minded individuals where natural conversation can occur that may or may not lead to me being famous! ;)

Therefore, imagine my very pleasant surprise, when a very natural conversation that occurred over the weekend with some friends of mine in the industry led to today!  In just one small business day they have put me in touch with a casting director who I have already spoken to, who has offered to recommend me to a few agents -all because of relationships!!

One of the toughest things to do when looking for an agent is to get in the door to see one and that is exactly what this casting director has offered to try to help me with.  Of course, once in the door, it's all on me! One of my primary goals was to look for an agent. I had one a few years ago and she went out of business. I felt like I had to start all over again and that was discouraging.  So, tonight, I find myself very excited and so grateful! It makes me feel that my renewed focus may already be paying off!

Well, that's it for the super long post.  I feel like today has been a bit of a whirlwind so that is the head space I am as I write this.  I'll keep you posted...pun intended!  Oh, I love corny blog humour! 

What special, exciting news do you have to share??

A Dream Rekindled

I had an amazing holiday this year. Nothing like a trip to France to start the new year off right. But something else happened while I was away. I felt a renewed sense of obligation to rekindle my dream! For as long as I can remember, the only thing I have ever wanted to do is act. Then real life happened...not a good excuse, but it's mine. Life presented so many reasons why not to continue to pursue acting. However, I discovered that none were good enough to convince me that I'd be happy doing anything else. Hence, this blog!

I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, some of whom have never even seen me act, who continue to instill in me a sense of obligation I have to pursue my dream. They believe that I am meant to do something else...and frankly, so do I. This blog is an attempt to log my journey and remain accountable.

Mainly, however, this is a place to seek and share inspiration...that is my hope anyway. One main precipitating factor in my renewed focus was a conversation I had with a co-worker. She shared her story. She too had envisioned what she wanted to do all her life, but later as life happened, what she wanted out of it took another form and she is completely happy for it. I walked away from this meeting with a realization that everyone has a dream and if you just pursue it, even though it might not be the thing you get in the end, it will reveal where you're meant to be. And, you will be all the happier for it!

All I know is that I am in pursuit and I don't know what its going to look like in the end or along the way, but the journey is important and worth it. I don't want to be sidetracked anymore! So, please, share with me your dreams! Did you pursue your dream? Did you not? Did it change for you? Let's keep inspired people...let's rekindle the dream!