Where the heck have I been?!

I feel like since I started with my Voice class approximately 8 weeks ago, I have been in a complete haze!  Well, perhaps not a complete encompassing haze, but I've definitely gotten very introspective and was feeling like I wasn't quite able to share what I've been learning.  Mostly, because I've tried and well, I couldn't quite put it into words that made any sense.  I've learned some very valuable things about myself.  Things that are definitely getting in my way as an actor and though it hasn't been easy work, I look forward to continuing on with it...I have to if I'm ever going to get out of my own damn way! I will share the main thing that I have learned though...that is what this blog is about after all!

I have learned that I have become quite a closed person. Let me explain.  You know those every day exchanges in our lives...ordering coffee, holding the door open for someone, etc?  When is the last time you've actually taken the time to take that other person in? To actually have a real exchange with someone? Why bother you ask? Well, doing this...to try and actually have real exchange with people, even in seemingly mundane moments...is part of my Voice class practice.  And, I have learned that I rarely, if ever, do this!  I have become so conditioned to float through life that I am out of practice when it comes to connecting with people. 

I can be very sensitive to other peoples "stuff." And sometimes, its too hard to really take somebody else in because you also take in some of their "stuff" inviting in the ability to feel the pain that other people sometimes feel and that's hard.  Of course, you also open yourslf to the possibility of feeling other people's joy, but the point is that you become open and vulnerable. Scary, right?  But, great assets to have as an actor!  In fact, downright essential to an actor!  And, so this has become my main focus...trying to find moments to really engage in every day encounters.  I'm not talking about trying to get to know someone's life story in the time it takes to order a tall vanilla latte from them, but just to actually make eye contact, to not just go through the motions but to actually listen to the other person! In trying to do this, it has felt like I have been taking the time to pause and savour...I'm not just rushing through my day, I'm living it...even the seemingly meaningless moments.  And, actually, I have been having some pretty neat encounters.  Nothing life altering...but real moments shared between two people on this earth can only ever be a good thing, whether the exchange is joyful or not.

My last voice class was last week and I begin my acting class again this week for 6 weeks. I have decided to alternate sessions between the two classes as one totally informs the other and I'm really excited about that.

What has been hard to learn is that I am sooo out of practice that I really do need this training all over again before I feel like I will be ready to call myself an actor again.  I know it's not all lost of course, but at least with this new medium (for me) of acting for the camera, there is a lot for me to learn and I'm a little late in the game, but hey, I'm in it...or at least, I'm holding my hand out into the ring, hoping someone will tag me in soon!  Anybody??

Some Validation

Some fun news...I auditioned for a student film a few weeks ago and I got the part!  Which is exciting because I felt really good about the audition in that I felt like I applied the new technique I've been learning in class and at the audition I felt like I took my time and I didn't rush through it. So, it feels really good to have gotten cast when the audition felt good.

Especially, because I really want to get as much practice time in front of a camera as possible. Amazing how a little machine in front of your face can change your comfort level!  I definitely need to get more comfortable in front of a camera!  So, look for me at a Humber film class near you! 

And The People's Choice Is...

Stripes 2!  Second runner up was the Chair Pose, which makes me feel good for using it up until now...so thanks peeps for that validaton!  Coming soon...my "serious" pics!  Thanks again for all of your input!

Headshots

I am in need of some new headshots but I am wanting to wait until I get a new agent to help guide me in the right direction. Also, I'm getting my arse kicked in the gym in preparation, so I want to be as bootylicious as possible, as well!  In the meantime, however, I feel like I need to pick new headshots other than the ones I've been using, and for this challenge I thought I would illicit your help.  

Below, I've posted 3 photos to pick from for my "commercial" headshot, aka, smiley faces.  Then in a few days, I will show you 3 different photos to pick from for my "legit" headshot, aka, serious face.  The first photo is the one I've been using, followed by two others.  A good headshot is one that actually looks like me in real life, on one of my good days of course, and is not just a pretty pic! Also, ideally, it should capture the essence of the real me...is that too heavy?? And, hey, if you think you know what the essence of the real me is, please do fill me in...figuring this out seems to be the journey I'm on right now so I could use any tips!

As I've said, I know I need new headshots as I don't believe any of these truly do the job, but for now one of these will have to do.

So, what do you think? Which of my "smiley" pics below, do you think works best?

Chair Pose

Stripes 1

Stripes 2 

An update

For anyone keeping track, my practice challenge is going really well so far. I have yet to miss a day and I'm pretty psyched about that.  I can be horrible about being disciplined at times, but when my voice teacher looked at me last week and said, you know, deal with it...you're a grown up now (not said harshly at all, just honestly and she knew it was what I needed to hear), I knew I was ready to rise to the challenge.  I knew that I had to.

I did come pretty close to missing a practice this past Saturday because it was my birthday and the day was full and a little scattered and because I did not plan ahead to fit my practice in, the day went by and I came close to really thinking I wouldn't fit it in.  I kept thinking, well, it's my birthday...people will understand. But, when it came right down to it...I knew I wouldn't be okay with having missed a day. I came home way too full from a fantastic dinner here and just a wee bit tipsy but I still took the time just before midnight to get a quick practice in...so my streak is not ruined and my challenge is still on!  It seems like such a silly success, but there you have it!

Also, further to my post a while back about networking, I am still without an agent. Though the contact I made was great in trying to link me to an agent, it did not pan out like I had hoped and so the hunt continues.  I am going to have to take networking to a different level and pursue contacts in a more proactive way.   So, if you get an email from me shortly to discuss how you can help, consider yourself warned!  Wish me luck, this is definitely where I find myself out of my comfort zone.

As always, thanks for your continued support!  My boss today threatened that I'd be a lifer, so I'm feeling especially queasy about that prospect and hopefully that turns into an added dose of determination shortly!!  Your encouragement always helps!!

My Practice Challenge!

I remember reading "The Right To Speak; Working With the Voice" written by Patsy Rodenburg as assigned in my Voice & Speech class while studying at AADA. The thing I found most interesting in this text and what stays with me still today was learning that every time we experience an emotion, a feeling of any kind...if we don't deal with it, our body stores it somewhere inside of us.  And, on any given day, a trigger can come along and tap into that emotion or feeling and we can feel it anew as fresh as the day we experienced it even if years have passed! As actors these unresolved feelings can get in your way...of being present, of playing a character that requires us to tap into these emotions.  Because if they are hidden away and we don't know that they're there, than we can only play our idea of what that emotion or feeling is and well, who wants to hire an actor to do that! 

As actors, we are hired to live through that emotion or feeling on stage or screen so that the audience, for the short time they watch us, can feel something real and tap into something true about themselves that they normally hide and tuck away.  That is my definition of what it is to watch a great performance...did I learn something about myself by watching?  It is that truth I struggle to attain in my own peformances. 

I recently started taking a Voice Class (for actors; not the same as for singers or anything). A way of connecting you to your breath and therefore, to these untapped emotions and feelings.  All I have to say is holy crap!  I mean, I know what to expect from these classes, I've taken them before..."stuff" just comes up; its supposed to! But, we as people find it to hard to walk around every day "feeling" every moment so we find clever ways to avoid it...until, bam we're faced with it again. Well, my voice class forces me to face it, travel through it, speak it and then move on being able to name it and then, the goal...to control it! 

I don't know if this makes any sense at all so far, but after today's class (only my 2nd of 6 so far) I feel so alive, so aware, open & vulnerable, but in the best of ways. During today's class, I felt anger for letting so many excuses get in my way of wanting an acting career because I know more than ever that I don't want t do anything else and even if I spend my whole life striving for one, I think that might be better than pretending to be okay with anything else...that is how I feel today.  After class, I feel renewed in my will to strive, continuously for my place!

I have some growing up to do, however.  I have to committ to practicing every day and not give into the lames excuses as to why I can't. So, do me a favour. If you see me, and you feel so inclined...ask me. Have you practiced today? I'm afraid to write it down here, but my goal is to practice every day for even 10 min a day for the next 34 days (beginning tomorrow, March 16 and going until April 18, the day before my last class). Help keep me accountable...if you dare!  Don't be afraid...leave that up to me ;)

Thank you my friends. For, I already feel this is possible with your support! And, though I don't know what to expect, I know that the benefits of this steady practice will be exponential!  And, I thank you in advance for helping it to happen! 

Behaving Like Champions

As mentioned previously, I was totally obsessed with the Winter Olympics and was so impressed with Canada's performance at the games. Especially by the fact that we set a record for the most golds ever won at the Winter Games!  I mean, who would have thought we had it in us? 

Well, John Furlong, CEO of Vancouver's Olympic Organizing Committee said it best in his speech at the Closing Ceremonies when he addressed Alexandre Bilodeau, our first Gold medal winner at these games, by saying that his "first Gold Medal gave us all permission to feel like and behave like Champions."  This totally struck a cord for me in my own personal journey.  When I studied acting in New York, my teacher very quickly picked up on how me being Canadian led to me being too "nice" when acting, which essentially gets in your way as an actor if you're not willing to fight for what you want in a scene (I apologize for the actor jargon that might not make much sense)!  Though I feel like I have made huge progress in this regard, recently my acting teacher gave me this exact same note and told me to write at the top of all of my scripts "Franca is allowed to win!" Okay, I get it!

So, I guess I am elated at the message of these games...that we are allowed to behave like champions because we are quite capable of being champions!  I will take this sentiment to heart and I hope you all do too!  As noted in this article believing in yourself doesn't diminish your niceness! We can have it all Canada!  And, seeing that I'm pretty much in the market for close to it "all" I need to start behaving like a champion, yo!