Oh, full time job...

...why do you test me so?

A Bump In The Road

Yesterday was a challenging day...not in any way traumatic, but just one of those acting classes that forces you to look at and deal with some unavoidable truths! Truths that tend to surface now and again to challenge my choice to pursue an acting career. Truths that left to roam on their own can plant doubt, and which, when dealt with incorrectly, or perhaps not dealt with at all, has led to previous incidents of feeling discouraged.

I feel like it’s my first road bump since the "rekindling" began and I think its hitting me harder than usual because the ride has been really good so far! However, it is making me realize that these are the types of things I let stand in my way. I am an actor who will always be developing my skill and unless challenged to do better, dig deeper...I never will! I know this...so why did class sting yesterday? I feel like I made mistakes when I knew better. But my acting teacher wisely told me not to be afraid to fail in class...he doesn't need me to prove to him that I'm a good actor...he'll give me that! But in order to go further and to go deeper...I MUST LET GO! I cannot be afraid to be wrong! I am trying to embrace this as I feel this plagues me in many other areas of my life as well! I don't do something because I'm afraid to fail or for a ton of other different reasons and so I don't do anything and I am no further along!

I was watching the Olympics last night (we're addicted) and I was watching the men's freeskate long program and if you don't mind the cheesy comparison...when they fall, they don't have time to mull it over and pout (definitely what I was doing last night) they have to literally get back up and find some way to go on and put forth the best performance of their lives with the time they have left! I soo wish I could be more like that...get over the sulking and the doubt and just charge ahead! Patrick Chan (our good Canadian boy) still got a wicked score after falling and that's because regardless of the fall his program was beautiful! As I write this I am actually getting a little teary eyed because I am so aware of how this has gotten in the way of a lot of things in my life...and I want to move on and get past this barrier already! I will fall many times. I have fallen many times and I have the bruises to prove it but I know that the performance of my life is still to come and I need to be ready for it! I will be ready for it!

I sometimes just feel so impatient for the life that I want to live, which to me is in part, greatly defined by my success as an actor because it has been the only thing in my life that I have ever known for sure. This has led to frustration in the past because some misguided sense of entitlement creeps in to my head. But, I only have myself to blame, without being too harsh... I haven't done all that I can do. I am trying now. I must learn patience. I must be grateful for the things in my life that are exactly what I want them to be...and there are many! And, I must trust that my time will come...and when it does, I will be ready and open for whatever that looks like!

What do you do to overcome barriers in your life that prevent you from moving ahead? I could use all the help I can get...

What a difference a day makes...

Which is the way I put it to my cousin when I told her about my very eventful day.  At first, I didn't want to share my news with too many people because if things didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted them to I'd have to share that part too with more people than I would probably want to. This is the same reason I rarely share when I have an audition.  However, I then remembered why I began this blog in the first place.  To remain accountable as well as to share my journey! So, you have to be supportive...ok?!

So, before I share my fun news, I feel it is important to explain that I am a horrible networker. And, if you're in this industry, you know that it is crucial. However, I could never get away from the idea that I felt like I'd be bothering people; pestering them to help when they were working hard on getting their own stuff together! Also, "networking" is a horrible name. It sounds way to much like a chore...an obligation (ahh, obligations...stay tuned for a future blog about this).  "Building relationships" isn't a great term either but it is a little better.  Regardless, whatever the term, I suck at it! So, one of my goals is to put myself out there so that I find myself more often in the position to meet like-minded individuals where natural conversation can occur that may or may not lead to me being famous! ;)

Therefore, imagine my very pleasant surprise, when a very natural conversation that occurred over the weekend with some friends of mine in the industry led to today!  In just one small business day they have put me in touch with a casting director who I have already spoken to, who has offered to recommend me to a few agents -all because of relationships!!

One of the toughest things to do when looking for an agent is to get in the door to see one and that is exactly what this casting director has offered to try to help me with.  Of course, once in the door, it's all on me! One of my primary goals was to look for an agent. I had one a few years ago and she went out of business. I felt like I had to start all over again and that was discouraging.  So, tonight, I find myself very excited and so grateful! It makes me feel that my renewed focus may already be paying off!

Well, that's it for the super long post.  I feel like today has been a bit of a whirlwind so that is the head space I am as I write this.  I'll keep you posted...pun intended!  Oh, I love corny blog humour! 

What special, exciting news do you have to share??

A Dream Rekindled

I had an amazing holiday this year. Nothing like a trip to France to start the new year off right. But something else happened while I was away. I felt a renewed sense of obligation to rekindle my dream! For as long as I can remember, the only thing I have ever wanted to do is act. Then real life happened...not a good excuse, but it's mine. Life presented so many reasons why not to continue to pursue acting. However, I discovered that none were good enough to convince me that I'd be happy doing anything else. Hence, this blog!

I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, some of whom have never even seen me act, who continue to instill in me a sense of obligation I have to pursue my dream. They believe that I am meant to do something else...and frankly, so do I. This blog is an attempt to log my journey and remain accountable.

Mainly, however, this is a place to seek and share inspiration...that is my hope anyway. One main precipitating factor in my renewed focus was a conversation I had with a co-worker. She shared her story. She too had envisioned what she wanted to do all her life, but later as life happened, what she wanted out of it took another form and she is completely happy for it. I walked away from this meeting with a realization that everyone has a dream and if you just pursue it, even though it might not be the thing you get in the end, it will reveal where you're meant to be. And, you will be all the happier for it!

All I know is that I am in pursuit and I don't know what its going to look like in the end or along the way, but the journey is important and worth it. I don't want to be sidetracked anymore! So, please, share with me your dreams! Did you pursue your dream? Did you not? Did it change for you? Let's keep inspired people...let's rekindle the dream!